


All-Natural, I swear

by Dorktapus42



Series: All-Natural [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Other, Remy's a brownie guys, hehehe Roman's hilarious to me for some reason
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-01 20:28:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17250890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dorktapus42/pseuds/Dorktapus42
Summary: You should read the first one. It's a continuation, just roll with it.





	1. Roman? Are you flirting with the supernatural investigator?

**Author's Note:**

> I have returned! I might write Picani too... just need to decide what he should be lol. Hope you enjoy Remy!

Patton was making cookies. Thomas and Roman were playing Connect-4, Deceit was adjusting the picture frames with Logan supervising so they were back in their correct positions, and  Virgil was reading a book in the living room. 

There was a knock at the door. They all looked up at the sound. Virgil’s feeling of uneasiness grew. “Uh-”

“Well who could that be?” Patton dusted his hands off on his apron and went over to the door. He looked through the peephole and opened it. “Hello! How can I help you?”

A shorter man in a brown leather jacket looked at a clipboard. “Are you… Patton Moralez?”

“Yep! That’s me! Why do you ask?”

“Do you mind if I come inside?” Patton paused.

“I mean, I’ll have to ask my roommates-” Deceit took the opportunity to duck down below the floor. 

“Is there someone at the door?” Logan came over. “Hello. How may we assist you?”

“I’m a supernatural investigator-”

-SLAM!-

The door slammed into his face as Virgil darted out in front of them. “What do you two think you’re doing?!” He hissed. 

“We were talking-”

“He’s a fucking investigator! You just think he-”

_ “You know I can hear you, right?”  _ The man called through the door. 

“Fuck off!”

_ “Well that’s just rude. Honestly hon-” _

“Hon?”

“It’s a common phrase that-”

“Leave us alone!”

_ “You could at least say it to my face.” _

Virgil yanked open the door and hissed straight into his face. The man looked nonplussed. 

“Not my warmest welcome. Now if you could excuse me Emo Nightmare-”

“What do you want from us?”

The man looked at him with a tilt of his head. He looked over to Logan and stuck out a hand. “Remy. Remy Sanchez.”

Logan shook it as Virgil looked on in horror. “Nice to meet you Remy. Care for some lemonade?”

“Or cookies! I just made a batch-”

“How could I refuse that offer?” Remy stepped around the stunned vampire and took off his scarf to hang on the umbrella stand. “Close your mouth hon you don’t want to catch flies.”

Virgil did so as his face flushed with anger. “What gives you the right-!”

Remy took off his sunglasses and tucked them into his shirt collar as if he hadn’t heard him and thanked Patton and Logan for the offer of lemonade and cookies. He nodded a greeting to the others, who looked stunned yet curious. 

Roman just about bounced up to get a cookie. “Hey. I’m Roman. You have a name?” Was he trying to flirt?

“Oh aren’t you sweet. The name’s Remy. Nice to meet ya hon.” He paired it with a wink. Was he flirting right back? Roman smirked. So he was. 

“Roman, please.” Roman practically jumped back at Logan’s interruption. 

“Logan! Hey, I was just, uh…”

“Roman, no flirting with guests!” Patton admonished with a smile to Remy. “Sorry about that!”

Roman groaned and walked over to the couch in a huff, passing the still frozen Virgil. Wow, he really hadn’t reacted in a while-

“Roman did you just flirt with the supernatural investigator?” Ah, his common sense seemed to have returned. 

“Me? Would you think that I would do that?”

Thomas snickered as he grabbed a jello cup from the fridge. “I’ve only known you for a month and it’s obvious. Nice to meet you Remy.” 

“This is certainly the most... interesting welcome I’ve had. You should see the time I ended up crashing a ghost birthday party back in the ‘90s-”

Deceit popped out of the ground with a shout. *So it was  _ you! _ * Remy couldn’t help but laugh as the others just stood there in confusion. 

“You were there too? I should have known- you remember-”

*-Sir Anthony ended up with the helmet on his head-*

“And it clattered down the stairs like a marble! Everyone else just vanished but he was stuck in that stupid helmet-”

*And you just said screw it and left laughing?*

“My supervisor was  _ pissed! _ ” Remy let out a laugh. “He took me off patrol right then and there and sent me down to a sister facility in California where I researched-”

“Mermen. You went to the coast and tried diving for them. You almost drowned.” 

Remy looked at Logan in shock. “How did you know that?”

“Take a guess.” 

“Remy’s mouth fell open. “No way.” 

“What a coincidence! You’re quite the people person Remy! Cookie?”

“Mmm... thanks. I have to say, these remind me a lot of a bakery I found...oh, way too many years ago. They had cookies just like this-”

“You had purple hair back then, didn’t you?” Patton said absently as he grabbed the last batch from the oven. Remy gaped. 

“Do I just happen to know all of you?”

“Doubt it.” Virgil said with a glare. Thomas snickered. 

“Oh don’t be such a grumpy gus Virge. It’s not like you’ve met before.” Virgil just hissed at him and Thomas’s jaw dropped. “When?”

“I crashed a werewolf bar a few months ago- don’t tell me-”

“Why does everybody think I’m a werewolf?!” Virgil stomped off to his room. 

“Okayyy then.” Remy looked around. “Why are all of the shades drawn? It’s dark as frick in here-” He trailed off and put his head in his hands. “He’s a vampire isn’t he.”

“Yep.”

“God this is going to be awkward. Virgil?” He got off of his stool and wandered to where Virgil had gone. 

*So what do you think he is? I’d bet werewolf.*

“Deceit! You don’t just guess-”

“I don’t think so. He had a watch, and it looked silver-plated. Vampire maybe?”

“He did say God… is that just a vampire stereotype or-”

“They can say stuff like that, remember? Virgil was cursing up and down last week when he couldn’t find his headphones.”

They waited. “Does that mean he’s a vampire or what? It could just be a stereotype-”

“I think it’s a myth, so that is a possibility. There are an infinite amount of things he could be however-”

“He sure seems to have liked the milk and cookies. You think I should box him up some?”

“Patton we barely know him-”

“Nonsense! We’ve mostly all met him before in one shape or another. He has quite the potential to be a friend.”

Logan sighed. “Fine, fine. Make him a box or whatever. Now why is he taking so long talking to Virgil?”

Nobody had an answer until Remy and Virgil came out talking adamantly. 

“So you’ve just been wandering all of these years?’

“Yeah, pretty much. How long have you guys been roommates?”

“Oh, six months or so? What, you looking for a place or something thin mint?”

Remy stopped. “Thin mint?’

“It’s a kind of cookie ya idiot. Try some. They’re actually pretty good. Hey guys. Turns out he was a family friend.”

“Family friend is a bit of a stretch but sure. I was their brownie.”

Here was a small silence then a series of ‘oh’s. 

“Wait, what’s a brownie?” Thomas looked confused, as did Roman. Remy chuckled. 

“Don’t you fret hon! We’re kind of like a House Elf from Harry Potter. We tend to come into houses and clean during the night for food and stuff and tend to leave when given clothing. I was a bit of an exception. They, well, basically made me an indentured servant until Virgil gave me a scarf.”

“It’s nothing dude-”

“Nonsense! It was very kind of you. I still have it lying around somewhere-”

“Really? Wow that was like… so many years ago dude. How the heck is it still intact?”

“I met a warlock around that time and he put a charm on it for me. Should stay intact for quite a long time- and it also happens to be bulletproof. Handy, right?”

“That’s a bit extreme.”

“So was he. Also incredibly hot. Literally and figuratively. He ended up burned in the trials when someone found out about his friend Analise staying there, who had been accused of being a witch. I think his ghost still wanders around broadway. He was always a fan of music.”

“Not the weirdest ghost story I’ve heard.”

“You and me both. You still write poetry? You were pretty good back in the day.”

“What? No- not for a while.”

“You wrote poetry?” Roman looked like he wanted to laugh. 

“A little- it wasn’t very good.”

“Oh shush. What was your pen name again? It started with a D…”

“No way.” Logan looked up from his book and looked down at it. Dante’s Paradiso. “You didn’t-”

“No don’t- my old stuff was so cringy-”

“That is- cringy?! This is one of the most influential book series of our time! It’s known as a classic!”

“What.”

“Wait, wait, wait, wait. You wrote that kiddo?”

“I mean- yeah?”

“Holy fuck.” Thomas snatched the book out of his hands. “No fucking way dude.”

“Language kiddos!”

“Shush please Patton, we’re marveling over Nightmare Before Noon over here.”

“Now that one wasn’t even creative-”

The sharp beeping of an alarm cut them off. Virgil looked at his phone. “Oh, hey, gotta go. Nice to see you. Or something. Too much effort.” He dug into his pocket and took out a vial of something yellow, chucking it down his throat. He made a face. “Eugh. Have to work on the taste. See ya!”

He was out the door before anyone could stop him. Logan blinked. “Did he just-”

“I mean, he  _ was _ into alchemy in like 1580 last time I checked in on him…” Remy mused. He shook his head and clapped his hands together. “So, Virgil defying the laws of his species aside, maybe we should exchange numbers?”

Roman grinned and pulled out his phone. “I thought you’d never ask!~”

Remy slid his sunglasses back onto his face as he took Roman’s phone and plugged his number in. “Sorry hon, I’m taken. The game was fun though. Call me sometime!”

He grabbed his scarf from the coatstand and tossed the phone over his shoulder and into Roman’s surprised hands, coat swishing behind him and out the door. 

“Wot?” Roman squeaked. Logan covered a grin. Roman turned on him. “Oh don’t you start Mermando-!”

Patton made his way back to the kitchen to pull out a batch of cookies. Thomas settled down to watch the drama with his jello cup. 

“Well it  _ was _ entertaining.”

“But who DOES that?!”

Remy laughed his way up the road. 


	2. Dr. Pecan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picani! My friend! My seer-pal! All that dealio! 
> 
> Yeah, this is gonna be the end of the series. They're just hard to write, ya know? If anyone has any ideas on how to continue this feel free to do it and send me a comment about it! I'd love to see where this goes!

Remy got home. “Hey hon!”

Emile looked over from the open door to his studio. “Hey yourself! How was work? You want some tea? It might be cold though...”

“I’m fine, I’m fine. Reconnected with some old friends. Might end up introducing you to them if you want to go and say hi. Patton makes really good cookies.”

“You know I love cookies. Hey, wanna tell me if this looks good? I painted it this morning.”

“Sure.” He made his way into the studio, dodging canvasses and looking at his boyfriend’s work in progress. 

It was hauntingly familiar. Underwater, a merman was holding a human aloft, dragging them to the surface. 

He remembered that day. 

“That’s the day I met Logan.”

“Is it? I knew the human looked kind of like you but I wasn’t sure-”

His voice trailed away as his eyes flashed white. A second or so later he blinked, hard. 

“Stay.” He moved over to a stack of older projects and dug through them, pulling one out. It was two children looking down into a pond. One wore a tunic and sandals, the other a more ratty set of clothes and a pale blue knitted scarf. “Who was this?”

“Virgil. He’s a vampire now.”

Emile nodded slowly. “That makes sense. Do you want these?”

He tilted his head, looking at them. “Do you think they would like them?”

“I think so. Come on over and see if any of the others are familiar.”

He went over to the pile labeled REMY. All of the paintings that had him in them were there. Some were memories, others things that hadn’t happened yet. There were probably others that they just couldn’t recognize him in, but these were most of them. And there were a lot.

He flipped through the stack and pulled one out. A stone castle, with a floating helmet on the stairs and a cackling Remy in the foreground. “A party I crashed on the job. I met a poltergeist there. He lives in their basement I think.” Emile nodded as he set it to the side and flipped through more. A bakery. Through the glass he saw the familiar face of Patton at the counter. With the others it went. 

He hadn’t met the others before. Unless-

He moved to the misc. pile and went rummaging through it. 

“Remy! That could be dangerous! There could be future stuff in there!”

“Relax hon, there might not even be anything in here- oh.”

He pulled it out. Roman was holding a sword aloft, looking into the distance with a grin on his face. “This doesn’t look too bad. I don’t think it would spell out anything weird like that.” He looked like he was on a stage of some sort?

“If you’re sure honey.”

He put it with the others and kept digging. 

He found one with Thomas on it. “Oh, hey! This one has-”

He saw the blood and slid it back. “Nevermind.” Not touching that with a ten-foot pole. Emile had been worried about that one after he’d done it a month or so ago. He hoped it was from the past. He rummaged through again and pulled out a different one, this time with Thomas filming in front of a camera. He hadn’t seen that one before, but it certainly had just Thomas in it. He pulled it out in lieu of anything else. “I think that’s everybody.”

“You’re sure about this? Some of those could be important and-”

“Do you have a bad feeling about any of them?”

“Well no but-”

“Then it should be fine! Don’t worry about it. I can text Roman and set up a time when we can meet!”

“I guess. Can you take a break first? We haven’t spent much time together today, and I did make tea a while ago.”

He grinned. “That sounds great hon. You want me to get it?”

“I’ll be on the couch for Steven Universe.”

“I’ll meet you there.”

**Author's Note:**

> Just imagine Virgil being annoyed because he thinks the Divine Comedy was bad. What kind of stuff does he do?! Alchemy, poetry... damn. 
> 
> Have a good day and thanks for reading! I'm probably going to make this a thing knowing my brain so I left the chapter count open.


End file.
